Things Left Unsaid
by Scream at the Sky
Summary: Freddie documents what would be Sam's final year and what he wished he had said to her. Dark Seddie


"The Things Left Unsaid"

January 3, 2010

Its been a year. I can still taste the lip gloss you were wearing. I can still smell the subtle scent of your shampoo as the wind blew in. I remember what you were wearing. How your shirt fell just so at your waist. You had a few strands of hair in your eyes. I so desperately wanted to brush them out of the way. But the fear of your rejection kept my hands at bay. I still can recall how the moon glistened off your eyes and made them sparkle. I remember seeing you, for the first time, and thinking all the while..."This is what I have been missing"

February 18, 2010

You looked beautiful today. You had a date with someone. I didn't really listen to who it was. I just knew it wasn't me. You seemed happy. That's all that matters in the end. I wish I could have told you how beautiful you looked.

March 25, 2010

You came to my door today. You never come to my door. You looked like you had been crying. He broke your heart. You hugged me and said thank you. I hadn't said anything. I watched as you went into Carly's apartment. I thought to myself, "no man is worth your tears"

April 18, 2010

School let out. You wanted to walk home with me. I didn't object. You rambled on about your classes and ideas for the web show. I kept listening. Not saying anything. Nodding and shaking my head in the appropriate places. We got to the apartment and you continued. I wanted to tell you how beautiful your voice was to me. Instead, you simply said "bye" and walked into Carly's apartment.

May 4, 2010

You were home sick from school today. We had a pop quiz in Biology. Carly tried calling you, but your mom said you were in bed. I called you when I got home. You answered and told me that he had tried to get with you the night before. I offered to come over. You objected and said "I'd rather be alone". I successfully fought back the urge to go anyway.

June 23, 2010

Carly called me at 4am. She told me you were taken to the Hospital. I was scared. I didn't know what to do. We left an hour later to go see you. You were sitting up right. Smile on your face. Laughing... oh how I miss that laugh. You were pale, sickly, like you hadn't eaten in a few days. But you were still gorgeous. I just couldn't tell you...I was too afraid

July 18, 2010

We had to cancel the web show this week. You were still sick. Nobody knew what was wrong. You refused to eat the foods you would normally eat. We thought you might need to go back to the hospital. We hoped it wasn't coming to that. Everytime Carly and I tried to give you something, you commented on how fatty it was. I wanted to tell you that you were perfect in every way. But you asked us to leave before I could say anything else

August 4, 2010

You were back in the hospital again today. Your weight had dropped rapidly. You were not eating, sleeping, and you were getting sicker each passing day. You still did the web show that week, but your usual spunk was gone. I wanted to help you find that girl again, the girl I admired so much. You were lost and I wanted to help you get back to where you were. I didn't know where to begin.

September 7, 2010

School started today. Carly and I were hoping it would get you back on your feet again. No luck. You didn't even go. Your mom told us that you were too weak to get out of bed. She told us she was taking you to the hospital. We left school early to go see you. You seemed happy, but the smile on your face was not yours. It almost seemed painted on. Like a Mona Lisa. We spent the better part of the afternoon with you. You then asked us to leave. I wanted to tell you not to.

October 1, 2010

Carly and I made the collective decision to halt production of the web show all together until you got better. We visited you in the hospital everyday after school. Somedays we would skip and spend the whole day with you.

November 13, 2010

You slipped into a coma this morning. The doctors said you may not make it till Christmas. Carly and I sat in your room and watched you sleep. The machines were the only sound in the room. The doctor told us you could still hear us. I left the room so Carly could say her good byes first. I sat in the hallway and started to cry. Then it was my turn. I picked up your hand and stroked it with my thumb. Your skin was so soft. I wondered if you were still using that same shampoo you wore the night of our first kiss. I leaned down and kissed your forehead and said bye. I walked out of the room. Carly had already left with Spencer. I whispered quietly to myself. "I love her"

December 18, 2010

You died today. Carly and I were in school taking tests. Principal Franklin brought us into his office to tell us. Your mom wanted us to be to the ones to clean out your locker. We all cried as we went through all your things. Carly looked at me while we were cleaning and said "You loved her didn't you?" I could do nothing but nod through the tears.

December 31, 2010

Your funeral was today. Everyone was there. Carly sang. It was an open casket. Spencer, Gibby, and few other guys, including myself, carried your casket to the cemetery. It was cold that day. The wind whipped through us. I could have sworn I smelled your shampoo.

January 3, 2012

I sat on the fire escape. I do it every year around this time. Its cold. But it doesn't bother me. I think about how much I had left unsaid. Carly has moved to Japan to spend some time with her dad. Spencer went back to law school. They couldn't stand being around here anymore. I wish I had the strength to leave. I feel like I shouldn't. Like there is so much left unsaid. The wind blows in that moment. I can smell the subtle scent of your shampoo. The wind is cold, but it feels warm as it swirls around my body. I breathe in the scent and close my eyes. I can see you. Your leg dangling over the window sill. Your hair moving just so in rhythm to the wind. Your eyes reflecting the pale moon glow. I whisper so softly. I love you, Sam. You simply look at me and smile and the wind takes you away.


End file.
